8 Tips On How To Prepare for a Peaceful Divorce

Going through a divorce can be devastating. You may feel lost, unsure of how to prepare for a divorce, or how to even start the process.

1. Communicate openly and honestly

If there are aspects in your marriage that are beyond repair, speak with your partner gently. Often, one person in the relationship clings to hope that the marriage can be saved. Be as clear as possible when talking about your feelings to avoid making any confusing decisions. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open and honest to ensure an amicable divorce

2. Look past your immediate marital problems to determine the best outcome for the future

Heated feelings “in the moment” can blind you from seeing what your current decisions will do for your future. Hasty decisions can affect important things like:

• The goals and priorities for yourself and your spouse
• If children are involved, their physical, financial, and emotional needs
• The type of parenting you want for your children
• How to work out a co-parenting relationship after divorce, so each parent can continue loving, supporting, and nurturing the children
• How to give the children the best of both worlds

3. Prepare your children for divorce

• Let your children know your separation is not their fault. They need to understand that this was an adult decision made solely by both parents 
• Be clear that this is a permanent decision and you won’t be getting back together
• Reassure them often that you both love them and that their care is important to the both of you

4. Calmly discuss issues

When dividing possessions, talking about financial preparations, and setting the children’s schedule, remain calm. If one of you starts to get upset, it’s time to take a step back and continue when emotions have passed. Whether this takes a few minutes or days, there’s no point in having a discussion that stems from anger or resentment. 

5. Take time to think about important questions and statements before responding

• Don’t offer quick answers
• Make notes and repeat the statement to confirm you understand it properly
• If you still don’t have an answer, ask for more time to think about it—don’t be hasty
• Talk to a family lawyer and get legal advice for you and your family's situation 

6. Don’t turn disagreements into who’s right or wrong

This only leads to anger, defensiveness, and puts everything on hold. Try to look at disagreements as an unmet need that are neither right nor wrong. 

7. Remind yourself and your spouse that you’re looking for a peaceful outcome

There are many reasons to seek a peaceful outcome for your divorce. Discuss which method might be best to get you there. A mediation service is a less aggressive alternative to going to trial. 

What Happens in the Mediation Room?

During mediation, a third-party mediator helps people reach agreeable decisions in terms of settlement. The mediator stays neutral by not offering any legal advice or making any decisions. They're simply there to be the go-between for respectful conversations. Both parties may have their divorce lawyers present during mediation meetings.

8. Understand divorce is emotional

Turn to family, friends and professionals for support during this emotional time. The end of a relationship is often associated with that sense of loss and can lead to sadness, depression, anger, and/or resentment. These are all normal feelings and are part of the grieving process. 

It’s not always easy to reach a peaceful outcome when going through a divorce. Since everyone’s situation is different, it’s best to reach out to a divorce lawyer to help you work out your divorce issues.

Some divorce lawyers in Vancouver offer a free consultation to discuss the proceedings. 

Ready to prepare for your divorce?

England Lam Family Law Firm in Vancouver can help get you and your family through one of life’s hardest transitions. 

Get in touch with us today to learn how you can prepare for a peaceful divorce.